Hot dog dinners

Things are looking up, methinks.

I've been dating a nice girl named Gin (to be pronounced [ghin], not [djin]) since around the end of May, and it's going quite nicely. She has an apartment in Montreal, so I'm going there on weekends as often as I can, and she comes up here to see me on weekends sometime too. I've known her since I first came here, but we've just been colleagues until now.
We went to see Quebec City a couple of weeks ago. It's a really nice city, especially the old part. Perhaps a little touristy, but oh well. The buildings are nice, and the food is good. We spent a weekend there just looking at stuff.

I'm not entirely dead broke anymore either. I've managed to pay off all the bills that the stupid fucking @$#%^ left me with when I kicked her out, so I don't have that hanging over my head anymore either. I'm in no danger whatsoever of being rich anytime soon, but at least I don't have to crack open the plastic mug and count 418 pennies so I can go buy the cheapest kind of hot dogs and pasta to eat any more.

This whole mess with my ex fascinates me in some way. I just can't for the life of me understand the trade-off inside your head in a situation like that.

"Hmm. I'd sure like some drugs, because life sucks. But if I do drugs, I'll have to steal money from my boyfriend, leave him with thousands of dollars in unpayed bills and leave him in debt because of me. But I'd sure like some drugs... Bah, screw him, I'm gonna do the drugs."

How do you justify something like that to yourself? I payed all the bills, worked all the time, borrowed money from friends and parents, made sure we never ran completely out of food, payed the rent, and she somehow decides that it's OK to just completely fuck me over. I'm not trying to sound like a saint or anything, I'm no more perfect than the next fellow, but it amazes me to no end how incredibly selfish you would have to get to do something like that.
It fits the escapist profile of a drug addict, though. Nothing is ever your fault. Life sucks, things go wrong, but no matter what, it's never because of something you did. There are no consequences to your actions, everything just happens to you because life is unfair.

Well, guess what? If you start stealing and borrowing money from everyone you know, never paying it back, and lying all your friends straight to their faces, it's not a coincidence that you don't have any friends left after a while. It's your own damn fault. I suggest growing a spine and actually dealing with stuff. Seems to work decently for the rest of the world.